Breastfeeding

I'm still struggling with this. There are days when John latches on properly, then there are times when he just tears my nipples apart! Last night at church I had a friend help me get him to latch on. I was able to get him to latch on properly while at home for most of the night. Then, he decided to do something funny again, and I'm sore this morning. I'm still on the fence about the bottle. I have to remind myself that if the worse thing that happens to John is that he gets formula, then the world is not going to end. I mean, he has been getting formula anyway, but at least I've been able to nurse and/or pump.

Ugh.

Dishes

I did some dishes yesterday for the first time since being pregnant. Can you believe that it was actually an enjoyable experience? I was able to actually to reach without my tummy getting in the way! ;)

Quality Time With John

Jealous Kitty?

Shawn was holding John, when the kitty just had to be part of the fun.

John's Birth Story

I sent this in an email to most of you who read my blog. But, for those who just read my blog and I don't have an email address for....Here's the story! Enjoy! :)





I think that labor started on a Thursday. I thought that my water had broken that morning. I checked it with that little strip that turns blue, and it did. So, I called Detrah (my midwife). She came over around 1 or so, and started giving me herbs. She then gave me some castor oil. (Ewwwww, I DO NOT recommend this route!) Of course, this did nothing. So, on Friday, we decided to go to the hospital. We decided to go in case my water was really broken and there was a problem. While there, they checked me, and said that my water had not been broken. They said that my bag could have a tear in it, fixed itself, and is now fine.

So, that was that.

Skip ahead to Sunday. I took Seren to this Halloween thing in Old Town Clovis, and my back was killing me. Beckie and Angela were like, "It's back labor." Duh Tiffiny. Then on Monday, I was having contractions as well, but without any pattern.

Then on Tuesday, it all happened. I woke up around 4ish, with contractions, but I was able to go back to sleep till 5. Then at 5:30 I called Detrah and Shawn (dh) to come. Detrah arrived around 6:30. I was having contractions that were pretty close. I was able to work through them sort of okay. In my childbirth class, Lisa told us about how it's comforting to groan or make noises. Well, I'm not a noise maker, but I actually found that to be helpful. I moaned through every contraction. I also spent just about all of labor on my hands and knees, or bent over. (Oh, btw, I'm at home this whole time.) Around 8:20, I got into the pool. I remember thinking, "This DOES NOT feel better!" I had always heard that water would make us feel better while in labor, but I was still feeling those stinkin contractions! I guess I thought they would go away all together. Ha, wishful thinking! ;) Anyway, I labored there till 9:04 when John was born. I remember when it was time to push him out, I could visualize everything! I have never been so in tune with my body. I knew it was time to push. I could visualize his head coming down, and then how it sat there during the "ring of fire." I kept saying to myself, "The head, then the shoulders, then he'll slide right out." And that's exactly how it happened. I was still on my hands and knees, so Detrah told me that I was going to have to bring the baby up towards myself. I feel like I delivered my own baby!!!! How amazing! John was so peaceful when he arrived. Detrah said that, "He didn't make much sound-just gently came into his own."

This experience was so amazing, even through the pain. I had wanted a couple of other people at the birth, but it turns out that it was just Shawn, Seren and Detrah who were here. Gena from Mommy Matters came shortly after birth. It was such a quiet and personal experience. It truly was amazing.

Forgive me, for it's been......

Well, 2 days since my last post.

I'm doing it.

I'm giving up.

I can't nurse John anymore. My nipples have never been in this much pain before. (Funny how I can handle a home-birth, but not nursing.) I feel like a failure. I sat on the couch crying this morning, while on the phone with my MIL. It hurts, both decisions. However, in my defense, I'm pumping my milk. I haven't really got a lot of milk this morning (2 oz one time, 3 the other), but at least it's something. (Can you believe that pumping actually feels good?!) So, I have to supplement with formula. :( Boy, how this has turned into a lesson on how not to judge others. I'm always thinking when someone says that it hurt too much, "I breastfed for 2 years, and yet you say it hurts you. You're not trying hard enough." Well, I've tried for 10 days now. John just won't latch on properly. I have tried everything. I've sat through shooting pain all the way down to my toes. I've sat through tears and blood. I just can't do it, I can't.



So now, I've entered another world. A world of bottles and formula (and breastmilk from a bottle!). I have no idea how to go out in the world and function with a formula fed baby. And, I'm also afraid of all the slack I'm going to get from my friends. All my friends BF happily. Why can't I do it?! (Here come the tears again.) The BF'ing experience is not a positive one this time around, not like how it was with Seren.

*Sigh*

Baby Blues?

Thank you April for my beee-u-tiful roses. They smell sooo good! :)

Today is another day of feeling better. I was in kind of a funk for a little while there. I'm not entirely sure I'm over it, but today I feel like actually doing something. For a couple of days I was very emotional and, well, just blah. I regretted having children, didn't want to take Seren to school, didn't want to nurse (still don't my nipples hurt like hell). I really just didn't want to do anything, it all seemed like climbing a mountain. Today it just seems like a foothill, I can do a foothill. Why do women have to deal with hormones? I swear we have it worse off than men. Do men suffer from hormone related stuff? Maybe, but not as much as women I bet.


Anyway, I think I'm getting better. I'm just taking it one day at a time. And, thankfully, I have friends who support me. Beckie lined up meals for me for a week, and let me tell you....They have been a life savor! So, thank you to all who brought me something yummy. Tonight it looks like I'm on my own...Yikes! ;)

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a lactation consultant. For some reason nursing this time around is so painful that I hate it. My nipples are bleeding and when John latches on, there is a pain that shoots all the way down to my toes. Hopefully tomorrow the lactation lady will help. Please let her help.

I'm going to end with a nice little picture of John. He's happily in the sling, while I'm sitting here typing away. Sadly I need to wake him up to nurse so I can take a happy camper to the dr, where he'll leave not so happy. :(

Isn't he the cutest? :)

Better

I feel soooo much better today! I've been able to sleep most of the morning, just like John. He was awake off and on last night, but he pretty much was able to nurse himself back to sleep, which is a first! He's waking now, but I just had to say how happy I was that I feel rested! Ah, it's the little things. :)